Please Keep Me Safe
by DescendingKitsune
Summary: Everybody needs secrets, even Kanna.What would they be?One:She has been slowly regaining her soul.Two: She has a crush on Shippo.Three:She has a diary. Everything about the simple girl we thought her to be is thrown into a hurricane by what is written.
1. I don't want to be alone

Disclaimer: I don't own Kanna, Kagura, Shippo, Kagome, Sango, Naraku, the show or anyone else in it that might be mentioned. Is it just me or was this rather obvious?

Summary:Before it was an empty book. Then Kanna, the (supposedly) cold emotionless void that was Naraku's incarnations, started filling it in with her thoughts, feelings, and memorys. (Inu/Kag, Mir/San, Kanna/Shippo)

Author's note: NO FLAMING THIS ONE! Normally I can stand flames, but I LOVE this one, and it could break my heart to have it flamed. . . Anyway, I'm open to suggestions, but I've already got the second entry planned out, so you'll have to build on it. I know Kanna may seem childish, and Kagura a bit OOC, but tell me anyway, and (if you would)where it happens. There's going to be a lot of Kagura's OOCness in this. > I know, strange since I hate having characters OOC, but it's true. I will try to keep it to a minimum, though. Please Review, I've beenin a REALLY bad mood lately. . . Oh, yeah, and this IS rated mature, as in, for sixteen years or older. Of course, I AM a thirteen year old writting it. . . heh, it's your choice, read it or don't.

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**Please Keep Me Safe**

Entry One

It didn't take me long, just a second to take it. Softly, in the back of my head, deep in the piece of soul I'm allowed, I mourned the death, wished to give back the soul to its rightful owner, but I can't. I have no power over what I do. Naraku dismisses me, so I turn and leave. I believe he fears me, even though he's much stronger than me. He believes I kill without remorse; they all seem to think that. What I wouldn't give to be just that, a cold blooded killer who has no soul. But I do have one, I just can't reach it. Yet. Only two seem to understand, or wish to understand, what I feel and what I am.

Kagura. She is my sister, my advisor. I rarely listen to her, I really wish I could. I would do just about anything to be free of Naraku, or, I wish this even more, this cursed mirror that is my only weapon. IT is my soul, the key to my heart. What they don't understand it that, the only reason I can use this mirror is because it holds my own. I believe Kagura understands that, but isn't sure how to help. Or even sure if she should.

I disgust Kagura, I know I do. The reason I do is really very simple, I don't fight Naraku. He tells me to do something, I do it. No questions, no hesitation. Then I am dismissed and I go to my room. I walk calmly, giving no sign to how much I pin. When I finally arrive, after what seems to be an eternity, I lie on my bed and cry.

Once Kagura found me there, I'm not sure what it made her think, but it obviously disturbed her. Of all the people, of all Naraku's incarnations, I am, supposedly, the void. The unreachable one. Since that day she has made a point to be by my side more often, and will often follow me to my room, be there to comfort me. I'm not sure why she does it, I'm just glad she does. It helps to have a sister.

Kagura is one of the two that sees past my façade. The other. . . He doesn't know that much about me, except what is obvious. I kill. I'm one of Naraku's incarnations. I follow his every order without hesitation. Shippo, for some reason I don't understand, trusts me though. No matter what happens, he knows that I'm not how everyone thinks I am. I'm not sure why. Maybe because once Naraku ordered me to kill that miko. What was her name. . . I'm not sure. I know I've heard it before, but it refuses to come to my mind. But I didn't kill her.

There were a number of reasons I didn't do this. One, I couldn't comprehend Naraku's order just then. I was caught up in the pain, not physical pain, but mental. I had liked those in that group; they had been nice to me. Until Kagura came searching for me, probably out of worry. She'll admit it, but Kagura is like my older sister, and she looks out for me. When Naraku gave me the order to kill Kagome, yes, that's the right name, she snatched the mirror from me, realizing how much pain I would go through if I followed the order, which I would have eventually. That was reason number two. Number three, I blacked out. I'm not sure what happened, I know I was still awake, but I wasn't in control. I still can't remember what happened; only that Naraku was VERY upset with me afterwards. There are more reasons, but I won't go into them now. Whatever it was that happened, it made Shippo trust me with his life. He's proved it before.

I've wanted to ask Kagura something about him for a long time, but I haven't. I have anger, happiness (though that one rarely shows itself), and mourning and sadness. I guess it comes to follow that I also have fear, which is why I haven't asked her. The question is really very simple, but it's so hard to say. Why am I so attached to Shippo? Why can't I stop thinking about him? Is there any reason that I hate people so much when he gets hurt by them, in any way? Ok, so it's more than one question, and none of them are that simple. I suppose this is an emotion as well, but I'm not sure what it's called. . .

But, going back to the point, I'm not a void. I do have emotions. My soul is out of reach, but that doesn't make it non-existent. I'm not sure why everyone thinks so, but it hurts to be so disliked. The hatred is everywhere, and I can't seem to escape it.

But at least I'll always know that there are two people who care for me. Two people who are willing to give me a chance at life. Sure, they might not seem like much, but they are all that keep me in this world. They are my light, so small and distant that they almost seem imaginary. One of the greatest fears I have, have every had, is that they will go away. Will leave me behind in the dark.

I hate the dark now. There was a time when I found comfort in it. It was all I had. So I sank into it and it covered me, at least until I made it back into my room safely to cry. Now I have a light, and I don't want to let them go.

I don't want to be alone. So please, don't leave me alone in the dark, with all my childish fears. Remember I'm young, not only in my body, but also in my mind. I'm just a little girl who's scared of the dark, and all that she knows. Never forget, that though I do horrible things, I'm just a child, so veryfrightened of all that surrounds me. Please don't tell, but don't forget either. I have one simple reason to beg this of you.

**I don't want to be alone. . .**

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Ok, a bit disturbing. Not sure how this popped into my mind, not sure how it'll be recieved. It's a bit. . . ano. . . off from the normal subject of fanfics I guess. I love doing diary entry's, and since Kanna's one of my favorite characters, I'm doing one from her pov. Once again, PLEASE REVIEW.


	2. I hate the dark

Disclaimer: I don't own Yu Yu Hakusho, but I DO own this banana peel. Get that? It's MINE!

Authors Notes: I revised because Kagura was WAY to OOC for me. But, I'll explain her OOCness in the next chapter, which I'm about to get started on. Anyway, this is better, and I'm comftrable with it. Sorry it was so rotton at the end last time, which is all I redid. Hope you likies. Oh, and if I used any Japanese words in here you'd like to know the meaning of, just ask in a review and I'll put it on the next chapter. I'm not good with remembering which I used, or even if I used any.

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**Please Keep Me Safe**

_Entry Two_

It wasn't to long ago that it happened. I still remember it. I still mourn for all that was lost, all the pain I caused. What I wouldn't give to leave it behind. But I can't, there is no way for me to forget. No way for me to be forgiven. I am forever condemned, just for this one reason, not counting the innumerable horrible deeds I've done in Naraku's name. Of them all, this one weighs the most on my mind, pins me with more grief than any other. I try to not think of it. I do all I can to forget. But I can't. That wouldn't be fair to Kagura; she paid so much for it.

_I looked at the village that now lay in ruins. I was far away from Naraku's castle. Far from all other life. I hadn't caused the wreckage, but I DID steal the souls of every adult there was, leaving small children, none older than thirteen, to fend for themselves. It was on Naraku's orders that I did this, but I was still the one to commit the crime. Seeing as there was nobody else about to hear me in my moment of weakness, no chance that my secret will be discovered, I sit on the ground, pulling my knees to my chest, arms wrapped around them, I cry. I make no noise, but the tears fall nonetheless._

_I'm not sure how long I was there before I heard it. A startled gasp. I stood and turned to the speaker. I was truly expecting one of Naraku's minions, but I was wrong. There were a number of them. All teenagers, close to Kagura's age I'd say. Well, her age physically, which is around seventeen. _

_There are three boys. One is wearing a robe and prayer beads on his hand, he looked concerned. I wasn't really sure why, but I realize now that he thought I belonged to the village. But I don't belong anywhere. There was an inu youkai, though he was only half-blooded. He wore red, but I won't go into description. The last boy was him. Shippo. I didn't know then, but he would be the only friend I'd ever have. At least, up till this point in my life._

_Then there were the two girls. One wore a . . . well; I'm not sure what it was. It was green and white, and way to short for her. But that's just my opinion, which doesn't matter. The other, whose name was Sango, was wearing eye-shadow in a color I'd never seen before, and am unable to name. She had a giant boomerang on her back. I like boomerangs, they're great fun. But I'll never tell anyone that. I've never gotten to play with one, but I've watched others. I would love it. But Sango moved forward, an understanding look in her eyes. I'm not sure why, but she seemed the most concerned. _

_I was slightly shocked when she kneeled next to me and asked my name. I just looked at her and didn't respond. I knew these people; they were the ones hunting Naraku. And, in effect, hunting me. But they've never seen me before, so they don't know that. Still, I knew who they were, and clutched at my mirror. A slight step back and she smiled at me. It took me a minute to realize that I was showing emotion. And to the enemy. I quickly wiped my face blank; made sure my eyes were emotionless. Sango started to speak soft, soothing words, and before long, I found myself being walked down the road with a gentle but firm grip on my wrist. _

_They were scared I would run. I wanted to, but I wouldn't. After walking for some time, I realized something that terrified me. We were going in the opposite direction of Naraku's castle. I wanted to cry. I didn't like Naraku, I hated that castle, but it was home, and there was at least one person there I could trust. Here I was alone. In the dark. But I still didn't run. My eyes turned back towards the ex-village and sadness entered my eyes. The reason for it was mistaken by the group, but that was fine. It was some time after, but I finally told them my name. Kanna. I didn't tell them about me, but that was fine. Perhaps Kagura would come get me. I hoped so, but it was unlikely. Kagura wanted to be free, and she might leave me with them, believing me better off. I would not cry. I would not._

That's not the whole of it. But it is a part. I just want to say, that I was fearful like never before. I wanted to see Kagura, to have her next to me. But I doubted it would happen. They knew her, and wouldn't let her near me. At least that's what I believed. I was wrong. Thank Kami. (If he exists)

_Three days had passed. Three long days of traveling, of fear and sorrow. I wanted to go home. But how did I get there? I couldn't just say 'Hey, I'm one of Naraku's incarnations. Could you let me go home?' Yeah, that would have gone down real well. So I kept my mouth shut and let them take me further from the castle. Further from home. Yes, it was home as long as Kagura was there. _

_Shippo and I would talk. We'd talk about all kinds of things, and we'd play to. I liked that part of it. Playing. I'd never done it before, and I learned a lot of games. We'd talk about family a lot. I claimed to only have a single, older sister. True I had more, but Kagura was the only one I could really call family. I never named her; for fear that they would realize that I was talking about the same demon they had fought many times. Shippo told me of his family, and I listened. I wish I'd had more of a family. I really do._

_On the third day though, we were walking down the road again. Further from home, of course. That was when I felt it, a breeze. But it wasn't like most breezes. It was familiar; it was a breeze I'd longed to feel. I slowed my pace, and hoped, ok, I begged her in my head, that she would come get me. That was when Inuyasha, the boy in red, caught a scent. He yelled something at the others about Kagura. I was right, she'd come. _

_I turned slowly, holding my mirror against me. There she was, standing in a tree. Slowly, about at the speed I had turned, she smiled and jumped to the ground. She walked forwards and I didn't move. I wanted to run to her, to tell her to take me home. But I couldn't. That would be betraying myself. I was the only one she was looking at; I don't know if she even noticed the others. _

_She was standing right in front of me now, and she seemed happy. I rarely saw her happy, she was always pinning for freedom. She reached down and picked me up, holding me against her. I hugged her fiercely, I was so scared. I wasn't much of a fighter, and Naraku was specific. I wasn't to steal anyone's soul unless ordered to do so. _

_I want to go home. You can tell that. But will you take me home? Please say yes. I want to go home so badly. . . I don't care if Naraku's mad at me for going to that village. Just don't leave me here with them. You look up now, look at THEM. Inuyasha and Miroku are in defensive positions, Miroku reaching closer to his prayer beads. Inuyasha already has the Tetsaiga out. I'm scared of them; they'll let you take me home right? No, not without a fight._

_I shudder. That's what sets off the warning bells in both our heads. It takes me a minute to realize what's wrong here. I have BOTH my hands wrapped around you. Which means I don't have my mirror. I'll admit it, now I'm really scared. I have to have my mirror, it's my SOUL. I slip out of her arms and turn toward them. My mirror is pretty obvious, I'd asked Shippo to hold it. How could I have been so stupid? I walk toward him, and they seem wary of me. Then the worst possible thing happens, just as I near Shippo. You call out to me, unaware that I don't have my mirror._

_"Kanna! You do realize that you've made Naraku angry, don't you. As his incarnation he believes you should be there at all times." They all turn to stare at me. I lung toward Shippo, using the speed I was born with, yet rarely find necessary. It takes not half a second for me to reach him. Without a second thought I snatch my mirror, the last chance I have of living, from your hands and, moments later, reappear behind Kagura._

_The wind blows furiously and my incounter with the group of shard hunters was over. Thank Kami, whoever he might be. Naraku was, needless to say, extremely angry. He wants to know why I didn't steal their souls. I feel like crying. . . But not in front of him. If he realizedmy soul was returning. . . well, let's say that things would not end well. I refuse to go into detail as to how they WOULD end._

I didn't see then that the members of that band, Sango, Kagome, Inuyasha, Miroku, and Shippo, did wish for me to stay. They were willing, a bit, to give me a chance. Shippo most of all. He worried about me after I left, but I couldn't see that. Back then, I didn't know that I'd finally found the light.

You see, with each of us incarnations, there is something kept from us that we want more than anything else. For Kagura it's freedom. For me? The light. The chance to be happy. I guess you could say that I really want to be free as well. But I want to be freed from myself. And it's about as likely to happen as Kagura freeing herself from Naraku.

I've just killed someone again. I've stolen another soul. I follow the same procedure as always. Walk to my room, fall onto my bed, cry into the pillow. Kagura's not here to comfort me. I wish she was. But you see, she can't always be here. So the dark consumes me.

I hate the dark. I want it to leave me alone. But it never goes away; it constantly wraps me in its grasp. I try to scream, but I can't. Never let them know how much I despise the dark. How much I fear it. I just wish someone would let me go. I want to leave it behind; I want to dance in the sun. But I can't. And this is followed by the one thought, one of the few that consumes me.

**I hate the dark.

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Kit (aka Kitsune001): Welll. . . Wasn't this one happy? **

Itsun: YES! IT MADE ME HYPER!

Kit: Oo. . . ano. . . that's. . . creepy.

Itsun: Tch. YOU'RE the one that wrote it.

Kit: What's that supposed to mean?

Itsun: Well, it means that YOU wrote it and it made ME hyper, so don't stare at me. Stare at yourself. Oh, and to everyone else, NO REVIEWING!

Kit: ACK! DON'T TELL THEM THAT! IGNORE HIM! AND PLEASE REVIEW!


	3. What I am

Disclaimer: I don't own Inuyasha or any of it's characters in any way. Everybody can now breath a sigh of relief.

Author's Note: Ok, my depression has lifted and I'll start writing again. This one is short, and some of you might not like it. But, I'm setting it up for the next chapter, the gory one. . . oh, and does anyone thing rated M is to cautious? I think so. So I'm moving it to T. If anyone thinks this is a bad call of judgement, tell me. It probably shouldn't even be that high. Ja ne.

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I suppose I should explain one thing to you. My view of the world is undoubtly very different from yours. At that, I'm still new to the world of emotion, so I'm not the best at judging it. In result, my ideas of what "comforting" is are probably considered cold and cruel to you. Truth be told, I haven't a clue how Kagura feels about my new emotions. But, I'm going to keep believing that she's comforting and not be bothered by the fact that I probably disgust her. Scratch that. I know I disgust her. How I could have ever thought differently is a mystery to me.

I've got to grow strong enough to accept this. I just wish. . . I just wish I could know. . . If anyone will ever care for me. . . I doubt it, I wholly, fully doubt it. I've been fooling myself. I'm the void, the empty, blank space where nothing exists. I can be nothing else. I can never have emotions, never own a soul. The only things I have . . . are a mirror and a reflection. . .


	4. Me and the Mirror

Disclaimer: Must I REALLY put this in EVERY chapter? OH well. People, get a clue. I. Don't. Own. Inuyasha. hehe...I had to spell that three times to get it right.

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Everyday I stare into my mirror. Why? I'm not sure, but it's as though I need my mirror for . . . something. Naraku says I'm nothing. He say's that I'll never have emotions. He says my 'soul' is non-existent. I believe him, for there is nothing to contradict him, and everything proving him right. And I'm not one to deny the truth. But then, I'm simply . . . not.

Just like the mirror. Could that be why? Is that the reason I watch my mirror every day, even when I know it's every nook and crevice by heart? Perhaps . . . I can never be sure. I have no will, nor does the mirror. Yes, I'm like this mirror in many ways. In fact, you'd almost think we are one and the same.

While we can both look out at the world, everything is out of reach. Soul-stealers, that's what we are, yet we haven't a soul of our own. Both of us can touch, and be touched, yet we shall never feel, emotional or physical. Yes, we are the same, in more ways than I care to name.

Sometimes I wonder about that. The word "I". Supposedly, I'm the void, so how can there BE an "I"? Simple there can't. But, then again, can there be one? I really need to stop questioning every little aspect of my sanity. Or would that be Naraku's sanity? If it IS Naraku's sanity, than I'm insane, correct? Wait….I'm doing it again. Grr….I'm going for now. I've been thinking to much. Probably a result of these new "emotions" I have, and hate.

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Kit: -sighs-

Suna: Are you ok?

Kit: -sighs again-

Suna: Wow...Depressed Kit. Not good.

Kit: -stares blankly at far wall-

Suna: Ano...Well, it's short people, but, please, REVIEW...Maybe that'll help...


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